"If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along so why can't you seeeee?
You belong with me".
Finally he had a few hours of time on his hands, and he decided he would spent it with me.we went to eat his fave bukit ho swee fried rice and i savored 3/4 plate! nice chilli yum.
His dad said something in the van when he was saying saying how I'm very short-fused and enthused about a lot of tinks.
Dad said matter-of-factly:"there's one thing she isnt 三分钟热度 ah, its you lo".
How true la. Of cuz he didnt think of that!
after that we went to walk around JP, literally walk around instead of the window shopping or perhaps real shopping that will be v nice!
of cuz i'm not wishing that, can't complain jus contented we got to spend our time tgt! even tho nxt morning we woke up with only 3-4hrs of sleep, swollen eyes & bedhead. But he can look so fresh evrytime! ha ha i didnt shower and make my way back home to get my lecture notes for sch.
Dongdong's working hard! He's still very nice to his bros, he is a gem :))
Ailing working hard for school and for them! hehehe
kimchi chigae for him this weekend!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
fruitful friday
Today was well spent!
woke up late for sch, at 8am when i supposed to reach sch like 930?
stupid mom n sis nvr wake me up on time!
i noe i shldnt depend on them, but my alarm went off and i didnt hear it. Haha how to build momentum when rest of my schdays are like in 2-5pm?
but ailing is gonna so ace her MFS!
hope this freelance modelling tink dun get out of hands, with all the casting and evrytink ah.
Today had PABF. I dunno whether isit cuz i ever did LCCI level 1 in bookkeeping. But it seems like i breeze thru the lectures so far and the lecturer today even ask me if i had an accounting background?
wahaha, who knows i might find a love for it!
though i nvr thot was my tink. I always thot accting figures n the mechanics are too dead for someone as alive as me!
I felt him today, like the him i always knew. The way he would talk to me so softly, used soothing words as if saying any other way would be too harsh on me. I really feel like a princess! not the kind when i throw a fit and he'll take it, or when i want something crazy on a whim and he'll fufill it.
Not that way anymore.
He told me his feelings and it felt rlly good, feels like we're back on track again. He told me wad was on his mind and i really wanna hear it.
I really jus want him happy.
and turns out; when i really want something that badly to work, and when i put my hart n soul into it, its not even that hard.
i'm happy that i can make him happy.
woke up late for sch, at 8am when i supposed to reach sch like 930?
stupid mom n sis nvr wake me up on time!
i noe i shldnt depend on them, but my alarm went off and i didnt hear it. Haha how to build momentum when rest of my schdays are like in 2-5pm?
but ailing is gonna so ace her MFS!
hope this freelance modelling tink dun get out of hands, with all the casting and evrytink ah.
Today had PABF. I dunno whether isit cuz i ever did LCCI level 1 in bookkeeping. But it seems like i breeze thru the lectures so far and the lecturer today even ask me if i had an accounting background?
wahaha, who knows i might find a love for it!
though i nvr thot was my tink. I always thot accting figures n the mechanics are too dead for someone as alive as me!
I felt him today, like the him i always knew. The way he would talk to me so softly, used soothing words as if saying any other way would be too harsh on me. I really feel like a princess! not the kind when i throw a fit and he'll take it, or when i want something crazy on a whim and he'll fufill it.
Not that way anymore.
He told me his feelings and it felt rlly good, feels like we're back on track again. He told me wad was on his mind and i really wanna hear it.
I really jus want him happy.
and turns out; when i really want something that badly to work, and when i put my hart n soul into it, its not even that hard.
i'm happy that i can make him happy.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
kimchi
Started the day good!
Because he got one night worth of ample sleep, and he hadnt had that for a while.
Can't help thinking one-sidedly that i an one of the reasons he had a sweet nite's slp.
Well, I'm gonna think that if thats wads gonna keep me going! I can think wad i want haha.
Jiayou~ He's stil far, way far from feeling true happiness!
But i get a rush just knowing he got alittle closer.
Tired day of lugging to his place my accounting bks in one arm, and groceries in another. Then began the quest of making spicy sour saltly pickled korean lettuce which he loves!!
Mission is well accomplished.
But no suffice time to do his room yet.
Over this span of 23 months, i have sucessfully tho not intentionally; evolved his minimalist bedroom to - a closet with my clothes more than his, an extra bolster i too often exchange for his smaller but nicer bolster, and hundreds of other small little chap-pa-lang tink cramping up wad used to be his free space.
Gonna give up domination; will clear out and leave jus a small corner for myself. Not counting the closet, but promise not to mess it up k?
i was on his bed and i swear i smelled him from his pillow!
1 more day and he's back!
Because he got one night worth of ample sleep, and he hadnt had that for a while.
Can't help thinking one-sidedly that i an one of the reasons he had a sweet nite's slp.
Well, I'm gonna think that if thats wads gonna keep me going! I can think wad i want haha.
Jiayou~ He's stil far, way far from feeling true happiness!
But i get a rush just knowing he got alittle closer.
Tired day of lugging to his place my accounting bks in one arm, and groceries in another. Then began the quest of making spicy sour saltly pickled korean lettuce which he loves!!
Mission is well accomplished.
But no suffice time to do his room yet.
Over this span of 23 months, i have sucessfully tho not intentionally; evolved his minimalist bedroom to - a closet with my clothes more than his, an extra bolster i too often exchange for his smaller but nicer bolster, and hundreds of other small little chap-pa-lang tink cramping up wad used to be his free space.
Gonna give up domination; will clear out and leave jus a small corner for myself. Not counting the closet, but promise not to mess it up k?
i was on his bed and i swear i smelled him from his pillow!
1 more day and he's back!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
synergize with love
He possesses multiple intelligences.
One of which I've only came to know and appreciate as of recent.
His intrapersonal intelligence.
He has this innate ability to analyse theories and ideas, people, especially himself.
He created many fascinating aphorisms & analogies of life of which he would share with me from time to time.
well thats just a very random thing i like to mention! he's honestly all i can think about now 24/7 haha
i had trouble falling aslp last nite, tho the crying spells were lesser it was actu harder to fall slp without eyes worn out from crying.
i sent him a text, thinking he's aslp so he wld see only the next morning. he called me back we talked for a while, he asked me to go to slp.
Today i woke up to his phonecall and how pleasant is that.
I recalled of how he would wake up on purpose so he could make sure i woke up in time for work.
Then He told me abt the solar eclipse. Neither of us got to see it.
He's in a superb mood today. Though not because of me, i ought to thank korkor because i got a share of the good out of it! He must have been wearing a smile on his face, i know.
I am thankful for every little thing that can set him smiling because i have doubts, alot recently; that i might not be capable of that anymore.
It was unbelievably enjoyable talking to him because today i felt like i'm talking to his old self!
He's still there~~
Always will be :)
I listened intently every single word coming from him and it felt so good I am actually not jus hearing him, i'm listening!
and when we weren't agreeing synonymously, we accepted each other's opinions.
i really dowan to disappoint him.
i must come up with a great idea soon!
i'm gonna surprise him with a nice dinner at home when he touched dwn sg.
just can't wait.
One of which I've only came to know and appreciate as of recent.
His intrapersonal intelligence.
He has this innate ability to analyse theories and ideas, people, especially himself.
He created many fascinating aphorisms & analogies of life of which he would share with me from time to time.
well thats just a very random thing i like to mention! he's honestly all i can think about now 24/7 haha
i had trouble falling aslp last nite, tho the crying spells were lesser it was actu harder to fall slp without eyes worn out from crying.
i sent him a text, thinking he's aslp so he wld see only the next morning. he called me back we talked for a while, he asked me to go to slp.
Today i woke up to his phonecall and how pleasant is that.
I recalled of how he would wake up on purpose so he could make sure i woke up in time for work.
Then He told me abt the solar eclipse. Neither of us got to see it.
He's in a superb mood today. Though not because of me, i ought to thank korkor because i got a share of the good out of it! He must have been wearing a smile on his face, i know.
I am thankful for every little thing that can set him smiling because i have doubts, alot recently; that i might not be capable of that anymore.
It was unbelievably enjoyable talking to him because today i felt like i'm talking to his old self!
He's still there~~
Always will be :)
I listened intently every single word coming from him and it felt so good I am actually not jus hearing him, i'm listening!
and when we weren't agreeing synonymously, we accepted each other's opinions.
i really dowan to disappoint him.
i must come up with a great idea soon!
i'm gonna surprise him with a nice dinner at home when he touched dwn sg.
just can't wait.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
quote of the day: don't talk about the past, deal with the present!
we've always referred ourselves as the 3rd parties in here- from day 1. Until i actually messed it up recently with my chinese entries.
from now on, i'm gonna write as myself. (aka S, ailing, sotongmei etc)
Well, its not as if anyone ever reads this anymore. Only a handful are aware of this blog. as far as i know, only he checks back here from time to time.
Feels a little shameful n guilty as i say this but, i know i don't frequent here or write in here as much as he would like me to.
I am actually writing here because I have so much so much to tell him. But I know he probably wouldnt see all these anytime soon, not for a long time i think.
I just wanna make my thoughts known to him.
Whether its now, or later or even never. But i have a very strong belief, that if i try really hard to connect to him, he would know and see all this.
As i write on and on here, he's on the plane flying from PEK to BKK. Let me flashback: ever since we got back tgt in late june, we've only seen each other less than 10 times(a very vague estimate), time spent tgt: less den 24 hrs(not counting the time we were slping). i think i can even say less than 12hrs.
He probably doesnt realize this, but he's more than a boyfriend, a lover to me. He's my confidante, my soulmate.
I used to tell him everything, and i still do. We used to talk about anything, but maybe not now. He doesnt tell me much anymore. And i know why, he admitted to me; he doesn't feel good telling me things anymore because i was nothing but negative and critical about everything.
It sets me wondering, for a long long time.
I realised, i was actually a sad sad person.
He's right. Before this, i was puzzled i didnt know why it seemed like he only talks about my shortcomings and the things that he thought i done wrong. i can't make right because i dare not believe i'm such a person.
I don't know wad caused it, what made me this way.
But i know for sure i won't be that same person anymore.
Not just a better girlfriend to him, but a better person on the whole.
How can i make all this right again?
How can i make all his worries and hurt go away?
How can i bring him out of this haunting nightmare, and us feel happiness and bliss all over again?
Thats all i wanna do. All i can think of.
I over-reacted on the ex issue again. If i recall correctly, he has spoken of her before.
Bad move in the sense, i made him think i have no trust in him.
I felt helpless, insecure, terrified. Already i feel him slipping out of my hands, him being so distant. Then i saw a rather intimate sms he sent her. It seemed like they've been close for a while. I had a very bad feeling.
I wanna slap myself.
For not being there for him. He needed a friend, a listening ear. How can i blame him for talking to a friend??
He jumped on me, totally flipped out. Infuriated that i percieved him as 'any other guy'. He said things that pierced through my heart like a stabbing knife.
I don't remember that last time i cried so much.
How did i ever made him feel that way without knowing?
I'm terribly sorry i made him feel he's forbidded to have any frens of the opposite sex, but i've grown out of that immature selfish adolescent mind already.
But he's the one i wanna tell everything to, and share everything with. I'll do anything for us, u know?
ps. i finally got arnd to finishing our 1 yr anni entry..
from now on, i'm gonna write as myself. (aka S, ailing, sotongmei etc)
Well, its not as if anyone ever reads this anymore. Only a handful are aware of this blog. as far as i know, only he checks back here from time to time.
Feels a little shameful n guilty as i say this but, i know i don't frequent here or write in here as much as he would like me to.
I am actually writing here because I have so much so much to tell him. But I know he probably wouldnt see all these anytime soon, not for a long time i think.
I just wanna make my thoughts known to him.
Whether its now, or later or even never. But i have a very strong belief, that if i try really hard to connect to him, he would know and see all this.
As i write on and on here, he's on the plane flying from PEK to BKK. Let me flashback: ever since we got back tgt in late june, we've only seen each other less than 10 times(a very vague estimate), time spent tgt: less den 24 hrs(not counting the time we were slping). i think i can even say less than 12hrs.
He probably doesnt realize this, but he's more than a boyfriend, a lover to me. He's my confidante, my soulmate.
I used to tell him everything, and i still do. We used to talk about anything, but maybe not now. He doesnt tell me much anymore. And i know why, he admitted to me; he doesn't feel good telling me things anymore because i was nothing but negative and critical about everything.
It sets me wondering, for a long long time.
I realised, i was actually a sad sad person.
He's right. Before this, i was puzzled i didnt know why it seemed like he only talks about my shortcomings and the things that he thought i done wrong. i can't make right because i dare not believe i'm such a person.
I don't know wad caused it, what made me this way.
But i know for sure i won't be that same person anymore.
Not just a better girlfriend to him, but a better person on the whole.
How can i make all this right again?
How can i make all his worries and hurt go away?
How can i bring him out of this haunting nightmare, and us feel happiness and bliss all over again?
Thats all i wanna do. All i can think of.
I over-reacted on the ex issue again. If i recall correctly, he has spoken of her before.
Bad move in the sense, i made him think i have no trust in him.
I felt helpless, insecure, terrified. Already i feel him slipping out of my hands, him being so distant. Then i saw a rather intimate sms he sent her. It seemed like they've been close for a while. I had a very bad feeling.
I wanna slap myself.
For not being there for him. He needed a friend, a listening ear. How can i blame him for talking to a friend??
He jumped on me, totally flipped out. Infuriated that i percieved him as 'any other guy'. He said things that pierced through my heart like a stabbing knife.
I don't remember that last time i cried so much.
How did i ever made him feel that way without knowing?
I'm terribly sorry i made him feel he's forbidded to have any frens of the opposite sex, but i've grown out of that immature selfish adolescent mind already.
But he's the one i wanna tell everything to, and share everything with. I'll do anything for us, u know?
ps. i finally got arnd to finishing our 1 yr anni entry..
Monday, July 20, 2009
爱
它是一个多么奇妙的东西啊~
你看不到它，也摸不到它。但当它存在时，它却能让你感触那么深。
天下的男男女女情侣数不胜数。
我们奇妙的，偶然的遇见了。
认识，了解，爱上了彼此。
分享彼此的一切。
但却在每一天的每一刻，有人找到爱情，有人在恋爱，有人在分手。有的甜蜜的幸福，有的痛苦的分离。
是一种选择。
今天既然我选择了是你，就不会置疑我的决定。
不管结果如何，都会是值得的。
what i have with you, i've never had it never felt it, and will never have it again with another person.
do you know??
如果一个人一生中，只能怎么轰轰烈烈的爱一次； 我想this is it.
这就是我的那么一次。
你看不到它，也摸不到它。但当它存在时，它却能让你感触那么深。
天下的男男女女情侣数不胜数。
我们奇妙的，偶然的遇见了。
认识，了解，爱上了彼此。
分享彼此的一切。
但却在每一天的每一刻，有人找到爱情，有人在恋爱，有人在分手。有的甜蜜的幸福，有的痛苦的分离。
是一种选择。
今天既然我选择了是你，就不会置疑我的决定。
不管结果如何，都会是值得的。
what i have with you, i've never had it never felt it, and will never have it again with another person.
do you know??
如果一个人一生中，只能怎么轰轰烈烈的爱一次； 我想this is it.
这就是我的那么一次。
If You're Not The One
If You're Not The One lyrics
Songwriters: Bedingfield, Daniel;
If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
PS. a rather old song. but still, never fail to move me everytime i hear it.
i dedicate this to the man i wanna spend the rest of my life with.
you know who you are..
Love,
ailing
Songwriters: Bedingfield, Daniel;
If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one, then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine, then why does your heart return my call?
If you you are not mine, would I have the strength to stand at all?
I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you, then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you, then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me, then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me, then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through and I hope
You are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray that you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss your body and soul so strong
That it takes my breath away
And I breath you into my heart
And I pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And though my heart is by your side
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there anyway that I can stay in your arms?
PS. a rather old song. but still, never fail to move me everytime i hear it.
i dedicate this to the man i wanna spend the rest of my life with.
you know who you are..
Love,
ailing
Sunday, July 19, 2009
walking hand-in-hand . .
"快两个月了吧，when this whole thing started. I remember the conversation we had on the phone while i ended work at the bus stop.
那个时候的我们可以因为很trivial的事情争执。那时候问题是出在我身上，我们两个人都知道的。
我们经过暂时的分开一直到我们复合， 我们都不曾好好的坐下来谈过沟通过。
在一起的时间根本不足以让我们完全解开我们的心结。
我不是神没有特异功能。过去做的事说过的话，都已经发生。
我们现在过的每一天都是另一天。 今天过的是昨天的明天。
你知道吗, baby? 我们永远不会再回到昨天前天或以前了。
你说要给的机会，你真的给过我了吗？
我求你对我公平，对我像是对一个你不认识的人一样--不要再用从前的眼光看现在的我，用以前的判断在你的脑里 决定以后的我。
也许in a way to u，这是对我的惩罚。 subconsciously，你希望我感受你那时的心情。
可是，你必须知道我辛苦我没关系因为这是你经历过的，我应该承受。
但是你不是阿，这样对我你开心了吗？？
你一点也不开心，我看得到。
你比我更辛苦。 我的心好痛，好痛。
我知道不容易； 一个人可能做过几件好事，可是他做错的可能就是那么一次，he'll only be remembered for the wrong he did.
你对我说-- 你爱我，同时你也恨我。 你对我生恨是因为你一直都不甘愿。
从你说你会原谅我，试着去原谅我，你还在原点。
不甘愿我之前对你的伤害，对你的不好，对你的一切的不应该。当你不理全世界的人，对我一个人说你只渴望我的支持和信任，我离开了你。
请原谅我的不勇敢，我的软弱，不懂你的心。那时因为我害怕。 不是像你说的，我要反对你的意思要改变你的想法。
是我一味的不懂事，可是我真的也只想看你过得好。我知道那个professor's email很笨。
爱恨不能够并存，i guess this explains ur mixed emotions toward me.
我可以做的-- 就从那天起在电话我对你 对你承诺，我会做那个你身边需要的人。 我决心也很肯定的-- i will make it right this time.
从我们复合的那天， 我从新爱你了。
我不知道你现在的感受，你的心情。 我好想知道。
你的眼神不一样了，我好怕。 你睡在我旁边，可是为什么你却好像在好远的地方。
我很想像从前一样做那个听你说你的道理，你的心事的人。
我很想像从前一样是跟你度过一切的人。
我很想像从前一样是你最想要见到的人。
我很想像从前一想到你就会微笑。
你想到我，你会微笑吗？
你还在吗，baby?"
那个时候的我们可以因为很trivial的事情争执。那时候问题是出在我身上，我们两个人都知道的。
我们经过暂时的分开一直到我们复合， 我们都不曾好好的坐下来谈过沟通过。
在一起的时间根本不足以让我们完全解开我们的心结。
我不是神没有特异功能。过去做的事说过的话，都已经发生。
我们现在过的每一天都是另一天。 今天过的是昨天的明天。
你知道吗, baby? 我们永远不会再回到昨天前天或以前了。
你说要给的机会，你真的给过我了吗？
我求你对我公平，对我像是对一个你不认识的人一样--不要再用从前的眼光看现在的我，
也许in a way to u，这是对我的惩罚。 subconsciously，你希望我感受你那时的心情。
可是，你必须知道我辛苦我没关系因为这是你经历过的，我应该承受。
但是你不是阿，这样对我你开心了吗？？
你一点也不开心，我看得到。
你比我更辛苦。 我的心好痛，好痛。
我知道不容易； 一个人可能做过几件好事，可是他做错的可能就是那么一次，he'll only be remembered for the wrong he did.
你对我说-- 你爱我，同时你也恨我。 你对我生恨是因为你一直都不甘愿。
从你说你会原谅我，试着去原谅我，你还在原点。
不甘愿我之前对你的伤害，对你的不好，对你的一切的不应该。当你不理全世界的人，对我一个人说你只渴望我的支持和信任，我离开了你。
请原谅我的不勇敢，我的软弱，不懂你的心。那时因为我害怕。 不是像你说的，我要反对你的意思要改变你的想法。
是我一味的不懂事，可是我真的也只想看你过得好。我知道那个professor's email很笨。
爱恨不能够并存，i guess this explains ur mixed emotions toward me.
我可以做的-- 就从那天起在电话我对你 对你承诺，我会做那个你身边需要的人。 我决心也很肯定的-- i will make it right this time.
从我们复合的那天， 我从新爱你了。
我不知道你现在的感受，你的心情。 我好想知道。
你的眼神不一样了，我好怕。 你睡在我旁边，可是为什么你却好像在好远的地方。
我很想像从前一样做那个听你说你的道理，你的心事的人。
我很想像从前一样是跟你度过一切的人。
我很想像从前一样是你最想要见到的人。
我很想像从前一想到你就会微笑。
你想到我，你会微笑吗？
你还在吗，baby?"
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